Free Falling
by Youwillneverknowmeever
Summary: Grief is a tricky thing. Sometimes it seems so obvious when other times it creeps up on you, an invisible assassin. When you're in it, you feel as if you're free falling with no one to catch you. It happens to everybody eventually. Even a tough detective like Mal Fallon. Quite sad and angsty. Don't be daunted by the enormous word count! You've been warned. :


**Hey peeps, what's the haps?  
Too much? :p  
Anyway, I am really sorry for not being on in like, months, but I had a whole lot of exams so I just couldn't find the time to write anything! I promise, I will try to update ALL my stories by the end of the week.  
I know that I really shouldn't be starting a new story at the moment, but this is just a one-shot that just unexpectedly popped into my head.  
Don't be daunted by the ENORMOUS word count. It actually doesn't seem as long as you think it does.  
WARNING: I'm not extremely good at writing tear-jerking angsty stuff, so thhis may seem weird, but... Just in case, have a box of tissues handy!  
Reviews would be much appreciated! I dunno if it's just me, but I always judge my stories on how many reviews it gets. Like, if I have a story that's horrible, but it gets like, 20 reviews, I'll think that it's better than a story that gets only a couple although it's better. So please review!  
On with the story!**

* * *

Mal was on a high. Not only had he just been promoted to captain of the SFPD, but he had just unexpectedly proposed to his girlfriend, Natara Williams, who had happily accepted. Driving home in the suave, black Ferrari that he had bought himself as a birthday present, he felt on top of the world, as if nothing could bring him down from his throne of joy. The San Francisco air whipped lightly at his hair through the open window beside him, and the soft sound of the radio gently pulsed through the car. Natara, sitting next to him in the passenger seat, openly admired the giant diamond atop her finger as she ran a hand through her long black hair. Together they enjoyed the aura of calm that had descended over them. Out of the blue, Natara laughed happily and turned up the volume on the radio. The melodic notes of 'kiss me' by Ed Sheeran filled their ears. Natara leaned towards Mal, her breath tickling his neck.

"I want this to be the first song we dance to as a married couple," she whispered into his ear, smiling.

Mal turned to face her, for just one moment, _one __moment_, to show her that he agreed with all his heart. That he thought the idea was perfect.

But one moment was all that it took for the perfect scene to shatter before his eyes.

Mal watched as Natara's expression shifted into one of intense horror and as she pointed to something beyond them. He heard her scream, a gut-wrenchingly loud scream that made his heart shudder, but as he tried to grab hold of the wheel, to somehow save if not himself, Natara, he felt the car slam into something solid. He jerked forward, out of his seat as the seat belt ripped. The sickening sound of crunching metal and glass was all he heard.

But the whole time, his eyes were on Natara, his beautiful fiancee, the love of his life, careening forwards and smashing her head painfully on the front window.

"Natara!" he tried to shout, but all that came out of his mouth was a pathetic, weak gurgle. His arm felt as if someone had sawn it off. Tacky tendrils of blood leaked down his temple.

"Nat..." he whispered hoarsely.

Then the darkness swallowed him.

* * *

The first thing he noticed when he woke up was Natara, gripping his hand tightly. When she noticed that he had awakened she smiled wanly down at him and gently pushed his greasy hair out of his eyes.

"You're O.K." was all that Mal was able to choke out.

Natara didn't answer him, her face dripping with sadness. She offered Mal her other hand and Mal frantically took it, stroking it lightly down his stubbly face, relishing the feeling of her cold-as-death skin against his.

In those last few moments before he blacked out, lying in the devastated car, Mal had wondered what he would do if Natara wouldn't be able to pull through. How he would survive. The thought had been too frightening for him to endure. Natara was his life, the one person who made him feel as if nothing in the world could hurt him, as long as she was there. The fact that she was there, and didn't seem to be in horrible condition, eased his mind. He would live on, and so would she.

The door to the room opened, and a doctor, clad in a blinding white robe strolled up to his bed. To Mal, he seemed to ignore the presence of Natara, but he was glad. Mal knew that the doctor would make her leave, when all he wanted was for her to grip his hand like she would never let go.

The doctor asked him all the necessary questions, like what his name was, how old he was, where he lived. And all the while, Natara remained next to him, encouragingly smiling at him while he answered the questions without any doubts.

As Natara kissed him lightly on the lips after the doctor left, he realized that his ordeal didn't seem so bad anymore

* * *

Mal had a broken arm, multiple bruises and cuts and a mild concussion. It really wasn't all that bad in the end. Of course, it would be a few horrendous weeks filled with sore muscles and restricted movement until he could get back to the SFPD, but worse things had happened to him. Worse things could happen to him.

For one, he could have lost Natara.

Mal lay lazily on the bed, his back barely skimming the headboard as he scanned over his latest emails on his Iphone.

"Hey, Nat. Hear this email from Kai. _Dear Mal, I heard about the crash. I am so, so, so, so sorry about what happened to you and Natara. We really miss her around here. The precinct isn't the same. We are also missing you too, Mal-igator. None of us have heard from you in so long, it seems like both of you won't be coming back to the precinct! O.K, bad attempt at a joke. Just... email us back, O.K? We all miss both of your voices. Yours sincerely, Kai_."

"I just love how he decided the email would seem more formal and touching if he added a yours sincerely at the end," Natara scoffed, walking into the bedroom, a magazine tucked securely under her armpit.

Mal laughed loudly, but winced, doubling over as waves of pain radiated from his stomach area. Noticing, Natara kneeled down in front of the bed and gently placed one cold hand on the small of his back.

"Do you want some medicine?" Her voice was soft and lulling, yet inquisitive.

"Yes." Mal lifted his hand up from where it lay beside him and ran it down the length of her cheek. "You're so beautiful, you know that? I wouldn't know what to do without you."

And suddenly Natara was upset. She quickly stood up and turned around, staunch in her posture. "... I'll get you your medicine."

* * *

A week later, they decided to call off the wedding. Natara had voiced to Mal her opinion about the whole thing while they were laying in bed one stormy night.

"We've been through so much Mal... Why would we want to pressure ourselves further by having a wedding?" she had murmured to him, her face resting lightly on his chest. "It would just be too much."

"But the crash is exactly why we need to have a wedding," Mal argued back heatedly. "If anything, it showed me that life is fickle, and that you only live once. We should hurry up and get married because you never know what's going to happen... And when."

Natara slowly lifted her face from its position on Mal's chest and looked up at him with despondent eyes. "Mal... is this about losing me? Is this what it's all about?"

"Almost losing you," he corrected quickly in spite of himself, "almost."

"Mal, you're going to have to let me go... Sooner or later. You can't keep me forever. Eventually time catches up with us, and I'll be forever gone. You can't change that, it's a fact of life."

"I know, I know. It's just..."

"Mal. We don't need a stupid ceremony to show people that we love each other. You love me and I love you. That's it, no questions asked. We'll always be together..."

Mal finished her sentence. "In each other's hearts."

* * *

"So, Mal... How have you been keeping?"

Kai awkwardly sat opposite Mal, hugging a golden embroidered cushion to his chest like it was a baby. He had finally decided to visit him after 3 weeks of silence, and the past 5 minutes of his visit had been characterized by the same awkwardness that hung in the air as they sat.

"How have I... Been keeping?" Kai nodded eagerly and leaned forward to hear his response.

"Well, I've been... Well, I suppose. Stuck in bed for the past 3 weeks. Drugged up on pain killers, but it could've been a lot worse. I've just been itching to get back to the precinct and bust some baddies again with Natara, just like the old days..." Mal trailed off into silence once he saw the look on Kai's face.

"Yeah, I know that Natara was hurt too, but she told me that she personally can't wait either," Mal justified. " I guess that's what comes with being a crime-fighting superhero..." Mal laughed softly at his own joke, hearing Natara laughing at him from the other room.

"Uh, yeah... That, um, that sounds like you and... Natara..." Kai replied uncertainly, faking an unnatural laugh.

A gust of cold wind blew in from the open window, as Kai felt a shiver go down his back.

* * *

Mal sprinted down the street after the suspect, Natara hot on his heels. He dodged several people flawlessly, flashing his badge, and leaped high over obstacles, as if he truly was a superhero. Natara scanned the area and spotted the suspect clawing his way up a rickety old ladder and shouted at Mal, "Mal! He's climbing up a ladder!"

"Oh no you don't..." he growled, gritting his teeth. Hurtling through the alley-way, Mal skidded to a halt in front of the rusting ladder and kicked it, sending the suspect flying off it like a cannonball. The suspect crashed haphazardly onto the asphalt, and Mal rushed to subdue him.

"Nice, partner!" Natara exclaimed, brushing an invisible speck of dirt off of her signature black trouser suit. "Didn't even break a sweat."

"Yeah... So, does that mean that I'm better than you, miss high-and-mighty-cause-I'm-a-FBI-agent?"

"Uh... Excuse me? No. No way." Natara shoved a tiny fist into his side playfully. "Oh, and I am higher than you, thanks."

Mal was about to retort with a sarcastic comment when he heard a familiar voice fill the air. "Mal." Low pitched, with a light southern accent.

"Blaise."

Blaise walked up to Mal at a leisurely pace, raising one hand in form of greeting. "Hey, stranger. How are you doing? I haven't seen you in a while, ever since... Anyway. Who were you talking to? Yourself? I could hear you from over there." She jerked a thumb behind her.

"Oh, just to Natara. She's delusional. She thinks that _she _is better than me. Please, as if..." Although Mal's tone was condescending, anybody could hear the clear, unadulterated happiness in it.

Blaise stared at Mal as if he suddenly had shape-shifted into a goat and didn't immediately respond. "Uh... yeah," she nodded uncertainly, "You're... You're way cooler Mal."

She looked down at her feet, as if she didn't know what to say to him anymore, and simply walked off, dragging her feet along the cracked pavement.

"What did I do?" Mal looked at Natara incredulously.

Natara's eyes were filled with sorrow, and her previous grin had been wiped off her face, in favour of a look of sadness.

"I..." Natara glanced at her hands, which seemed paler than usual. In fact, to Mal, they almost looked... Ghostly.

"I don't know Mal," she whispered. "I don't know."

* * *

Blaise stormed into the precinct, slamming the double doors behind her with a gargantuan crash.

"Kalaba! Get over here, now!"

Kai timidly shuffled over to Blaise, seeming to shrink in the wake of her immense anger.

"You visited Mal, right?" Kai nodded his head, scared. "Well, why didn't you tell me about his... problem?"

"I thought that it was his own way of dealing with his grief! I didn't think he actually had a psychological problem!"

"Oh, well, you thought wrong, didn't you! What he's doing, it isn't heathy, Kai!"

"Yes, but didn't you see how happy he was? He was positively glowing! I hadn't seen him that happy since they actually got married..."

"But Kai, it's not good! It's wrong! He cannot keep dodging reality like this. He's got to face the facts. This is just... It's just..."

Blaise collapsed onto a chair, and exhaled deeply, noticeably deflating.

"He's one of my best friends, Kai. We can't let him do this to himself, we can't." Blaise murmured into her hands, which were now covering her face.

Kai hesitantly rubbed her back soothingly. "I know, I know. But how are we going to break it to him? She's his whole life, Blaise. This all happened because he loved her too much to let her go. What happens if he doesn't listen? What happens if he... Falls?"

Blaise swallowed, a giant lump suddenly forming in her throat.

"Then we catch him."

* * *

"Guess what, Natara?" Mal sat at his desk, tiredly finishing off his last bit of paperwork for the night.

"What?"

Mal signed his name with a flourish, and tossed the paper to the side of his desk, motioning Natara to move next to him.

"Well... I thought that the two of us had worked _way_ too hard this past couple of weeks, and after the crash, we both desperately needed some time off. So.. I just went ahead and booked two tickets to Italy as a vacation!"

Natara gasped with happiness. "No! Really? I've always wanted to visit Italy. It's such a beautiful, rich-cultured country..."

"And the food's not too bad either," Mal winked at her.

On the other side of the closed door, Blaise and Kai stood, their ears pressed to it fervently trying to hear what Mal was saying.

"... He uses two different voices..." Kai murmured, eyes downcast. Blaise turned her head to briefly glance at him. His eyes said it all: this needed to be stopped. Not for their sakes, but for Mal's.

"Let's go." Blaise slowly turned the doorknob and pushed open the door, trying to act casual. She shuffled into the room, Kai following her closely.

"Ah, Blaise, Kai. What can I do for you?" Mal inquired, a little perturbed at the fact that Kai and Blaise were even standing together.

"Mal..." Blaise started softly, but trailed off when she saw Mal's face. It was pure, full of happiness, and that happiness made him look a lot younger than his 37 years. His expression resembled one of a kid who was just set loose alone in a shop full of candy.

Blaise just couldn't wreck that joy, couldn't see his face fall. She wouldn't.

Kai noticed her faltering and decided to step up, interrupting her. "Uh, Blaise and I heard that you and Natara are... um, going on holiday."

Mal sighed, and shot a despaired look at Natara sitting next to him. "Uh, yes. We are. We're going to Italy in a couple of days. So Blaise, I need you to-"

"Mal, Natara's not going with you on holiday." Kai interjected, a pained look on his face. Mal briefly glanced at Natara, who's breathing suddenly quickened, her eyes filled with an emotion that Mal couldn't quite figure out.

"What? What are you talking about Kai? Of course she's coming with me, she's my wife! I bought her a ticket and eve-"

"No, she's not." Blaise took a miniature step forward, wringing her hands together as if she was nervous. Her face was also heart-breakingly sad. "But she'll come with you-" she gently pressed her fingertips to his chest, "-in here."

"I don't get it.. I... I don't get it." Mal's breathing hitched in his throat and suddenly sped up to a million miles an hour. What were they talking about? And why were they so stubborn? Of course she was coming with him, of course she was- this was just as much her dream as it was his. They had spent many nights, just laying in bed, talking about the places they'd visit and things that they'd do, _together_- as two people combined into one. Italy had been one of those places, the place they were both looking forward the most to visit. Why would Kai and Blaise deny them of their happiness?

"W...Why? Why can't she go?"

"Because..." Blaise glanced at Kai for confirmation, and then finished in a shaky voice,

"she's dead."

Then Mal was free falling, his whole world and existence shattered into thousands of pieces by just 2 words containing 8 letters.

"No... That's... That's not true. You're lying, both of you!" Mal whispered, staring hopelessly down at his shoes as a single tear plopped onto them.

"Mal, I..." Blaise reached out a shaky hand to touch him, but he swatted it away violently, staring at her with tear-filled eyes.

"You're lying! You're wrong, she's alive, she's alive, SHE'S ALIVE!" Mal screamed, his voice thick with tears as he punched the desk aggressively once, twice, three times.

He turned in desperation towards Natara. "Nat... Say something! Tell them! Tell them they're wrong!" he begged her, his voice cracking half-way through. "Tell them they're being ridiculous!"

Natara looked up at him through glazed eyes, saying nothing, as Mal finally understood the emotion being conveyed from her eyes.

That what they were saying... was true.

* * *

Mal stared at the white roses nestled in his hand, slowly walking over the path, time slowing down. It had taken a while, but he had finally come to the terms that Natara wasn't living on this earth anymore. She was flying high above the clouds, forever in peace. Maybe she was reunited with her father again. Maybe she'd even meet Ken. Mal just hoped that they were taking good care of her. Natara didn't deserve anything less.

He looked over at the place he was heading to at the end of the path. As he reached it, he stopped in front of it to read the words inscribed on it:

_Natara Williams_

_24th October 1980- 28th July 2015_

_A beloved daughter, fiancee and friend_

_We will never let you escape from our hearts_

And all that Mal could do was collapse to his knees and cry.

**Review please? Thanks guys, love y'all!**


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